Rainbow Dildo Butt Monkey: A modern day fairytale

Or #Learningtoread

A good fairytale stands the test of time, passed down from generation to generation, over hundreds of years.

It was the way for Cinderella and Snow White and it should also be the way for the Rainbow Dildo Butt Monkey.

Butt Monkey - Tim Pool tweet
Look at the colourful spectacle of the Rainbow Dildo Butt Monkey (Picture from Tim Pool’s Twitter)
Butt Monkey - Dr Jane Harris tweet
And here’s the butt of the Butt Monkey (Picture from Dr Jane Harris’s Twitter)

Believe it or not- he is very real but when consigned to the mists of folklore people will wonder whether or not he ever really existed – or whether he is just part of some kind of extra hot Covidinduced dream.

And people will wonder just why he was booked for an appearance at a library. Yes, a library.

Looking at his outfit you’d be right in thinking it would probably be more suited to a Furries sex party than for dancing between the stacks of books. You’d also be right to wonder just how it was that he was booked to try and encourage children to read.

The reading event happened in Redbridge, East London, not a million miles away from where I used to work before Covid shut everything down.

But to get the true majesty of the spectacle you have to disregard all the accounts in the British press and instead turn your attention to the story penned by Libby Emmons for The Post-Millenial.

This tweet may well be the closest thing we have to a proper video of the Rainbow Dildo Butt Monkey
Who knew that Rainbow Dildo Butt Monkey would turn into an insult for people across the globe?
This man said children have been scarred by the Rainbow Dildo Butt Monkey – and does so in a rant but in a really dull monotone way

I wasn’t aware of her work until now but she is clearly a wordsmith of the highest order.

It is all simply genius.

If you want to see the sub-hed you’ll need to check out the story (and I urge everyone to check it out) but look at this for an intro:

“A man dressed in a rainbow monkey costume with his butt exposed and a large dildo hanging between his legs, was part of an event to encourage kids to read.”

It ticks every journalism box of being factually accurate while also just telling the reader enough to get them to be desperate to read on.

Big strawberry and monkey
People would have been fine with just having some actors dressed up as strawberries (Picture from Has Ahmed’s Twitter)
Apparently Boris Johnson met the Rainbow Dildo Butt Monkey at one stage of his life – maybe when he was the Mayor of London
Medelsome Monkey social media posts
Redbridge Libraries seemed to think the Medelsome Monkey was a big joke – until people started to complain

The wonder continues throughout the piece with the almost final line making it clear that Redbridge Libraries knew what it was getting itself in for, after a screenshot of some social media posts:

“It seems clear that everyone involved in planning the event knew full well that a man in a buttless, rainbow monkey costume would be employed to swing his phallus around to help promote children’s literacy.”

When the story is handed down from generation to generation I hope it is Libby Emmon’s version that they read because it is simply genius.

In a statement issued on Twitter on July 10th the library said: “During an event put on at the library today there was a performance by a Carnival Arts Company. Unfortunately one of the animal costumes was inappropriate which we were not aware of at the time of booking.

“We deeply apologise for the offence caused. This is being looked into and a further statement will be made.

“This event was arranged by Vision and not Redbridge Council. Upon receiving complaints passed on by the Leader and Deputy Leader, we ceased the performance and are truly apologetic for the distress caused to residents. This will never happen again.”

A third tweet ends the message with the words “happen again”.

The characters in the library were from an arts company called Mandinga Arts. In a statement published on its website the business said they offered an unreserved apology for the offence caused.

Stay safe for another week!